Autumn Storms & Touch of Fall

The morning air is crisp and cool.

I am enjoying my breakfast out on my screened in porch and

watching the Chickadees bounce around in the bushes.

Popping in and out to flit to the bird feeder.

It’s been a long, challenging, exhausting five weeks, but somehow

I know it’s been all for positive change in my life and the lives of my family.  But I am spent and some days I have wanted to give up. Some days I did give up for awhile.  But am learning to work on my threshold for overwhelm and rise it higher so that I can do more and be more.

Honestly…I have done well in the keeping balanced and level headed through most of the move.  But running out of my nutritional medicine last week, plus a few other life challenges, has pushed me over the edge on some days and I have had to climb back up from the cliffs of total meltdown.  But I seemed to have prevailed and made it through.  It’s liken unto a bad, tumultuous storm.  Coming in, stirring up it’s fury and then passing on.  Thankfully this one has passed for now.

I have also been out of my familiar element being at the farm.  Having the hot tub in the mornings…ready and waiting.  The wide spread of the blue up there to accompany my meditation and positive affirmation time.  I have had to admit that all the above stretched me to my upper threshold of self control and I failed on several occasions.

Thankfully I have precious family members who forgive me my indiscretions and help me get back on track.  Am I the only women who has these feelings and issues with overwhelm?  My human nature supposes I am the only one, but my logical brain tells me my struggle has much company in the world, it’s just not spoken about.

The morning is lovely here and a part of me wishes I were at the farm, getting my horse Prince saddled up and heading out with our family pet, Dixie, a Stafordshire Terrier, to roam the trails and hills.  The sky here is that brilliant, deep blue today, and cloudless… with a touch of Fall is on the Dogwood leaves.

So, I am trying to find my balance and my way once more.  As I have done countless times before in my life.

One day I hope to be free of these emotional storms.

I believe I have made much progress, although some days I feel as though I have taken many steps backward rather than forward and I feel a failure.  But the storm passes, a new day dawns and somehow I have another change to make progress and move my life forward, even just a few feet every day.  For this I am grateful.

Enjoy the beginning of this lovely season, filled with cooler weather and colorful leaves.  I hope to live every moment, push further ahead in my current endeavors and raise my threshold for overwhelm daily.

They say what doesn’t KILL you makes you Stronger.  After 25 years of adultish life I am thinking I am pretty damn strong.  Not that I wanna test the Universe or anything, but I’d like a reprieve and feel I deserve it.

Life is to be Lived, not just Observed.  Join in on Your Life…don’t live on automatic pilot like I did for so many years. Open yourself up to really live your life…

It will be a challenge, but what is a life lived without challenge and victory? Predictable and safe with no real impact or legacy.  If I can do this, you can this… let us see where our Path shall lead.

Cheers to new seasons in life…challenges and all.

kristi jayne

Flickr Photos

Selsey Life Boat Station

Compass Plant (Silphium laciniatum)

Squirrel in the undergrowth D50_9462.jpg

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