Perfectly Imperfect…

Today I was working on a ‘belief buster’ worksheet for a personal struggle I have identified as “The need to perform perfectly in order to be acceptable”.   I further perceived that this belief stemmed from a place of fear in myself, which I’ve discovered is a place I have operated from much of my life.

I have also realized that this limiting belief is holding me back from creating the life I truly desire and deserve and from trying new things that would create successful momentum .  For if you believe in a very deep, subconscious way, that you must perform/act in a perfect manner in order to be acceptable, you will tend to hold yourself back (usually subconsciously)  from trying things or taking risks that might expose the fact that your not perfect and therefore not acceptable.   What a sad place to live from!

I have also discovered, concerning this particular struggle & others, that I have become most adept at distracting myself in everyday life in order to keep from feeling any uncomfortable or intense negative emotions that are attached to the painful beliefs around my imperfection and it’s consequence of being unacceptable.

Mind you, that until now, as I am unearthing these limiting beliefs and feelings, that I was unaware I was operating in such a manner.  So, it’s been quite shocking to me actually, to discover that I subconsciously have been manipulating daily life and sabotaging opportunities in order to avoid (at all costs), the possibility of encountering any of those distressing emotions.

This morning, as I was working my way through my Belief Buster Worksheet, I took a moment to be quiet, go to my Alpha level and see what my subconscious would bring up around this issue.  Surprisingly, I was immediately taken back to a time when I was in 6th or 7th grade in a private Christian school.  I remembered being in one of the large downstairs rooms with a piano and a group of students lingering about it.

Someone I think, who knew that I took piano lessons, urged me to sit down and play something.  I was very hesitant, as I usually would tense up and forget my notes when I had to play in front of people, but sat down anyway, hoping that I could perform a piece and elicit some approval from my peers.  Needless to say, I choked, forgot my notes and was deeply embarrassed.  I remember getting up from the piano and walking away feeling very ashamed and foolish.  And to make things worse another classmate of mine, (I even remember his name, Cary) sat down after me and proceeded to wow the group with his flawless, entertaining piano playing! Ugh!

As I remembered this scene moment by moment, I could see and feel how it had contributed to my newly discovered feelings of being unacceptable because of failing to perform perfectly. It fit the M.O exactly.

I knew I had to work through those agonizing feelings and pressed forward to spend the next twenty minutes analyzing that incident and trying to discern the best way to begin reprogramming my brain and my memory in a way that would better serve me and release some of the hurtful emotion.

I intuitively determined  to do two things.  I replayed the episode in my memory, but took creative license, and generated an alternate ending.  In my contrived ending, my older, more confident self, came and sat down beside me there at the piano, and we proceeded to play a lively rendition of the well-known “Heart and Soul” duet to the great delight of my peers.  I ended the scene with the two of us, the younger and older version of myself, hugging and smiling at our enjoyable performance.

The second thing I understood to do, was to begin writing some positive affirmations that spoke directly into that situation and into the resulting fear of being imperfect and unacceptable.  The following are examples of what I came up with.  ( I also did several rounds of tapping in order to interrupt the flow of negative energy that came up while I was remembering these feelings.  Click on the previous sentence to find out more about Tapping)

1) I fully and completely embrace my whole self, even though I am not perfect.

2) I am imperfect and it’s ok.

3) I will no longer be ashamed of myself because I am not perfect.

4) Acceptance and perfection do not have to go hand in hand.

5) I will no longer view my imperfection as a fatal personal flaw.

6) I will no longer despise myself for being imperfect.

7) I am safe, supported and accepted, even though I am not perfect.

8) I do not need to be perfect to be accepted.

9) All people are imperfect…I am not alone in this.

10) I will no longer stifle myself or who I desire to become because I am not perfect.

I found that verbally committing to accept myself in these way brought abundant relief to my soul and greatly displaced the unpleasant emotions surrounding that memory.  I also became aware that the original statement (I must be perfect to be acceptable) did not “feel” so true any longer.  On a scale of 1 to 10, I started out at a 9 and ended up at a 3, that’s great progress!

I also explored some “I am” statements to solidify my newly established beliefs and to help  create a safe internal environment for me to begin to accept a different set of thoughts surrounding how I feel about myself.  Here are a few examples:

1) I am safe with myself

2) I am warmly accepted and supported by myself

3) I affirm myself

4) I am delighted with myself

5) I completely receive and welcome myself

6) I am more and more secure in myself

7) I deeply love and embrace myself

I spoke these phrases to myself while placing one palm against my solar plexus chakra  and the other palm pressed on my heart chakra…I don’t know exactly why, it just felt right. It seemed as if I could impress these positive thoughts into my soul and begin to build on them, while also replacing the negative, painful feelings at the same time.

It was a truly amazing experience and feel as I have made considerable strides in overcoming this particular limiting and damaging belief. I can’t wait to see how I am able to move forward in my life now that these blocks have been  dissolved.  I am perfectly imperfect and I completely accept myself!

Cheers to forward momentum and positive change now!

Kristi Jayne

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Flickr Photos

%d bloggers like this: