A Perfect Place To Hide

A soft breeze brushes across my cheek and gently ripples the top of the pond water as the sun flashes diamond reflections off the tiny waves.

Birds twitter and flit happily through the trees all around me and an occasional “ker-plunk” along the waters edge gives away a frog’s hiding spot.

The baby leaves of Spring flutter quietly in the late morning run, the treetops swaying with the random gusts of wind up high.

I…am perched upon the top of an over-sized picnic table hidden on the backside of a large pond in a small grove of hardwoods out in the middle-of-nowhere Tennessee.

The quiet peacefulness here, in this tucked away place,  soothes my worried soul and the familiar caress of the sun warms my skin and eases my mind.

I awoke with an dark emotional storm brooding in my head and haven’t been able to push away the gloomy  clouds of my inner turmoil all morning…   It’s so strange to me, how the world outside can be bursting with light and beauty and inside I can be lost in a personal whirlwind of painful emotions.

I came here, escaped here…to see if I could stem the tide of mental ache before it overwhelms me to the point of ending up the whole day in my bed.  I tried my meditation, I tried to get a hold of myself, but this tempest just wouldn’t have it, wouldn’t back down and retreat.  So I fled to the silence of nature to see if perhaps I could gather my wits, calm the angry waves of distress and face my life.

This is nothing new to me.

I have fought this battle too many times to count.  The only difference is that I seem to be getting better at beating it, before it’s able to drag me down into that prison of pain, inner pain.  The kind that is so hard to explain or understand if you’ve never visited that island of darkness.

I have come along way in this fight…not far enough, but far enough to know I am getting the upper hand.  Well, usually.

Not today…

I have carelessly allowed to many heavy thoughts through my mental gates in the past few days.  My mind is filled with worry and restlessness today.  When I’m not watching, purposefully… negative thoughts, thoughts of lack and thoughts of unhappiness build up quickly and begin weighing me down with the darkest of moods.

Sometimes my life seems like a tight-rope act with an unceasing need for awareness as to balance.       

Just when I think I’ve got the high-wire walk down…

I lose my balance and am thrown off guard.

Suddenly, frantically…

I’m a split second from losing my footing.

Just like that….

So, here I am.  Looking for a place to hide…

Looking for that inner balance once again.

Hoping that this time….I am able to make it to the other side.  One of these days I will.

Here’s to balance and perfect hiding places,

Kristi Jayne

P.S.  Part 2 of “Busting Your Limiting Money Beliefs” is still on it’s way.

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