Hello June…

Designed by Lotum from Germany

Wow…I can’t believe I haven’t posted since February.

Well….actually, since I started a new job Feb 2nd I guess I can, now that I think about it.

It’s JUNE! I have skipped three months…

Oh well… it’s ok.  I have a great excuse.  I started a new job that completely overwhelmed me, had a major life challenge (won’t go into that) and I just haven’t had the head-space or the desire to write.

But I saw this picture above and felt inspired for some reason. lol

I don’t have a lot to say I guess… just wanted to reminisce about why I love June…other than the obvious reason that I was born June 21st.  I love June because I love it when the fireflies come out….hovering just above the ground, twinkling out from the tall trees.  They make me smile and bring back long lost childhood memories of sweet summer nights, glass mason jars and the feel of the cool grass under my feet as I flitted around our yard reaching out to grasp those mysterious lighted bugs.

I also love June because the days are lusciously long and dark doesn’t find me until way after 9 pm and the night bugs serenade me gently when it finally does swallow the last light of summer evenings.  And even at 5pm when i get off from work during the week I don’t fret a bit because I know I still have several hours to unwind and enjoy my day before night falls…I love that!

June just makes me happy…I wish it would never leave….but it always does.  I say farewell on the last day of June and hello at the beginning and hope that I am able to savor all the moments in between.

I guess that’s it for now…. just a little hello. And here is a little ode to June I ran across.

The Month of June

White cotton clouds, fill the sky
with openings of cascade blue
the mountain peaks, are reaching high
reflecting rays of sun on dew

Lovely birds up in the trees
waiting to be heard, singing their tune
along comes a swift gentle breeze
reminding us, it’s the month of June

Over at the stadium, the game is being played
it must have started right at noon
the fans are cheering up in their stands
reminding us, it’s the month of June

The night breeze whispers
when there’s a full moon
shining on the waves, off shore
reminding us, it’s the month of June

The paddle boats are out on the lake
waiting for people to come out on their brake
summer is here, but gone to soon
reminding us, we’re in the month of June.

White Tiger

 

An Evening In June…

I just had an urge to post this little moment that I recorded last summer.  I know it’s out of season, but it’s a happy memory and I enjoyed rereading it to myself this evening… hope you enjoy it too…

“A firefly lights up directly next to my face.  My son, Robert Paul, is casting with his Zebco fishing pole with a top water bait called a Pop-R.          We just got it today.

The evening barely lingers while the splash of a frisky fish sounds across the water and I feel a cool drop in the temperature as the night urges in.

The clouds are smeared across the horizon…smoky gray and blue.  The scattered hills appear as the back of a dragon, bumpy and dark against the almost-summer evening sky.

The June sun just tumbled over the horizon and only a tinge of pinky-orange is left in the western sky.  I can hear the night bugs warming up for their nightly chorus…a middle note, a low note and the gentle chirp of a sleepy sounding cricket.  Then last…the soft, minor tune of a Whip-poor-will.

The water is calm, but shimmering with the movement  of the balmy breeze across it’s silky surface and I can hear the incessant sound of the lake water lapping upon the banks of the river.

Now, the fireflies are everywhere…blinking…silently… in the darkness of the night shadows, surrounding me as I gather our things to head home.”

Baby Steps to Giant Leaps

A whole new year spans out before us…

I enter the year with humble expectation, tenuous curiosity and an honest bit of trepidation.

The past year…it’s been a year of change, of pain and of finding gratefulness even in longing.

It’s been a year of looking within…of searching without.  Of stirring up courage, but not always holding onto it.  Of being so ready to move forward and then hitting that ever-present wall of resistance and falling back.

Of failing today, failing tomorrow…and finally finding victory a week later, only to fail again the very next day.

Of finding my feet…and facing my fear and fending off doubts.  Of crawling back under the covers and hoping tomorrow is a better day.

It usually is.

New Year’s is always a divergent idea for me, because at the beginning of Winter I feel like going into hibernation, not necessarily rising to new challenges and setting new goals.  It seems to me as a time to go within…quiet myself and gather my thoughts for the frozen days ahead to reflect and ponder.

New Year’s Day is like a tall mountain peak on which I peer into the distant landscape and dream of what might lay ahead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Year’s Day is to move off the mountain peak into the great unknown…the beginning of my 365 journey towards what I hope will find me somewhere better and brighter than where I have come from.  A chance to be a better person…a better mother…a better friend…a better ME.

New Year’s Day is a reset button, a “start-again” point….a “let go of that which came before” moment and with open hands and open heart, reach out for what might be.

A point from which I can surmise what it is that I CAN DO…to create that which MUST BE.

I have only ONE specific desire this new year…one upon which I will build all the others…to take Focused-Action everyday. In some way to push forward and make that which I long for… actually HAPPEN.

Cheers to baby steps and giant leaps.

kristi jayne

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.”
Edith Lovejoy Pierce

The Writing Life

Neglect

Not the

Gift that is

in Thee

Well, last month was the first month in over a year that I missed posting on my blog.  It was just a “blah” month and I was want of inspiration or creative flow.  I still am not on top of game, but I was going through some of my journal entries from this past 12 months as I always do at the close of each year and ran across the following post…I enjoyed reading it myself and thought I blog it today.  I always forget how much I enjoy journaling when I’m out of the loop, but I do love going back over my writing each year…it’s amazing how those words on the page take me right back to that moment like a time machine.  Enjoy

9/6/11  “Writing once again…it’s a writer’s life they say.  Practice capturing the moments and putting them on paper. Like snatching fireflies from the air and popping them quickly into your glass jar for safe-keeping.   Thoughts in a jar…so you may peer at them and see if they light up.  Some stay dark and must be released into the night until they find their light.

A writer’s life it is then! The dark and the light of it!  The light is in the freedom and creative spark that flares between pen and page.  The dark of it… the critical voice that subdues your mind and your hand.  It makes you question your gift and tries to force the beautiful voice of your soul into silence.  Many times for me…it wins.  But on days like these…I overcome.

   The battle wears on, the dark and light…to write or not to write.

But to not write is to suffocate the soul… and to write…it’s many days a daunting task to face the enemy within.  Why the war within…I don’t know if I’ll ever understand.

So maybe the question is…Why Write?

To express yourself? To find yourself?

To make a difference? To be remembered after your gone?

To be published? To be affirmed?

For me I suppose it’s about all that and more.  But I must admit…the idea of writing to create wealth, and income and stream of resource to fuel my hope & desires lures me in.  I am too fearful to believe that would ever actually happen, but the dream dallies around the edges of my mind like a beautiful dancer…just out of reach.

I ask myself…Does this take away from the purity of my writing? Does it discolor the soul of my words or my gift? I think not…it just gives me one more reason to write! lol

The rich sweetness of muscadines on the vine wafting through the aire, the playful paw of my kitten at these pages, the small red & white checkered squares covering my picnic table and the irritating pinch of a tiny black ant upon my skin…

The provocative dance between my thoughts and my page, the contented purr of my curious tabby, the gentle stillness of the air as the golden setting sun casts its final blanket of light across the pasture and the happy blue & white simplicity of my favorite pen as it captures my words, these moments and my life upon the paper.

This is my joy in writing… and to share the joy in that moment with another human being…to inspire, to enlighten, to connect at a place below the surface…that is wealth of soul.  And on those days when I overcome the resistance…the excuses…and rediscover my quiet passion….I remember…this is why I write.  I write because I love it…and after the work is done….I have captured part of myself in the written word…and very few things seem to be quite as satisfying as that.”

Cheers to words on a page!

kristi jayne

Autumnal Interlude

How beautifully leaves grow old.  How full of light and color are their last days.  ~John Burroughs

 

My favorite season of the year is here, although it’s always a bittersweet changing… for gone are the long, sweet days of Summer and coming quickly are the frosty, short days of Winter with fleeting light, bare branches and my breath caught in the frozen aire.

These weeks since I moved have to Georgia have been difficult and jumbled.  As simple a move I had thought it would be, seeing I have lived here before…it has proven to disrupt my familiar flow of daily existence and has brought disquiet to my soul.

I have tried to find a harmonious path through the days of the past several months, but to no avail.  I have misplaced my morning rituals of hot tub meditation and consoling of heart through quiet reflection, and in it’s wake I find myself in daily mental upheaval and emotional disarray.

The light of the sun falls late on this new place and I only have a small glimpse of the sky here.  Even though I found our home in the country greatly isolating, I had come to appreciate the great swaths of personal time which allowed me to ponder life in all it’s wonder and struggle.  Through this time I had come to find a private peace and inner balance that I had not known before… and now…cannot seem to regain.

My creative flow and writing have come to an abrupt halt.  My flow of positive energy and thoughts have dried up like an empty creek bed.  My zest for life and drive for personal development seem to have gone on hiatus and left no word on the date of their return.

I feel I should engage in a more jovial attitude and be in step with the world at large which seems to dance and celebrate this wondrous time of year, but that would be to deny my true state of mind and feign a happiness which I do not feel.

So… I am allowing myself a melancholy and moody stance without judgement or guilt…for my truth in these present days is a low-spirited and wistful manner, and this is just where I am.

Life is changing, the Seasons are changing…even the World seems to be changing…full of strife and revolution.

Thankfully I know without doubt that Autumn leads to Winter, and Winter once again to Spring…but where these other things lead has yet to be revealed.

Autumn Storms & Touch of Fall

The morning air is crisp and cool.

I am enjoying my breakfast out on my screened in porch and

watching the Chickadees bounce around in the bushes.

Popping in and out to flit to the bird feeder.

It’s been a long, challenging, exhausting five weeks, but somehow

I know it’s been all for positive change in my life and the lives of my family.  But I am spent and some days I have wanted to give up. Some days I did give up for awhile.  But am learning to work on my threshold for overwhelm and rise it higher so that I can do more and be more.

Honestly…I have done well in the keeping balanced and level headed through most of the move.  But running out of my nutritional medicine last week, plus a few other life challenges, has pushed me over the edge on some days and I have had to climb back up from the cliffs of total meltdown.  But I seemed to have prevailed and made it through.  It’s liken unto a bad, tumultuous storm.  Coming in, stirring up it’s fury and then passing on.  Thankfully this one has passed for now.

I have also been out of my familiar element being at the farm.  Having the hot tub in the mornings…ready and waiting.  The wide spread of the blue up there to accompany my meditation and positive affirmation time.  I have had to admit that all the above stretched me to my upper threshold of self control and I failed on several occasions.

Thankfully I have precious family members who forgive me my indiscretions and help me get back on track.  Am I the only women who has these feelings and issues with overwhelm?  My human nature supposes I am the only one, but my logical brain tells me my struggle has much company in the world, it’s just not spoken about.

The morning is lovely here and a part of me wishes I were at the farm, getting my horse Prince saddled up and heading out with our family pet, Dixie, a Stafordshire Terrier, to roam the trails and hills.  The sky here is that brilliant, deep blue today, and cloudless… with a touch of Fall is on the Dogwood leaves.

So, I am trying to find my balance and my way once more.  As I have done countless times before in my life.

One day I hope to be free of these emotional storms.

I believe I have made much progress, although some days I feel as though I have taken many steps backward rather than forward and I feel a failure.  But the storm passes, a new day dawns and somehow I have another change to make progress and move my life forward, even just a few feet every day.  For this I am grateful.

Enjoy the beginning of this lovely season, filled with cooler weather and colorful leaves.  I hope to live every moment, push further ahead in my current endeavors and raise my threshold for overwhelm daily.

They say what doesn’t KILL you makes you Stronger.  After 25 years of adultish life I am thinking I am pretty damn strong.  Not that I wanna test the Universe or anything, but I’d like a reprieve and feel I deserve it.

Life is to be Lived, not just Observed.  Join in on Your Life…don’t live on automatic pilot like I did for so many years. Open yourself up to really live your life…

It will be a challenge, but what is a life lived without challenge and victory? Predictable and safe with no real impact or legacy.  If I can do this, you can this… let us see where our Path shall lead.

Cheers to new seasons in life…challenges and all.

kristi jayne

Moments of Bittersweet

It dawned an almost cool, beautiful August morning today.

Woke up as the sky was reflecting first light and quickly remembered it was the first day of school for the kids.  Where did the past ten weeks go?!

I got up and started getting things ready…book bags, school snack, breakfast and the like.  Peeked in on my 16 yr. old daughter and her bed was empty.  My mind raced for a moment but then remembered she went early to help her best friend get ready for school.

“Home by 7.” she texted me.

The alarm goes off for my son, the new 2nd grader, and I get on my computer to find a cartoon to help him get his eyes open on this early first day of school.  This morning it’s “Real Monster: Episode 22″… lol

I promised him bacon and eggs for breakfast this morning, so I go to the kitchen and get the it started.  And as the salty, comforting smell of the bacon hits my senses a strong feeling of gratitude washes over me.  Grateful for the sunlight streaming through my kitchen window, grateful for another day in this familiar farmhouse with my kids and grateful for the sizzling bacon in the pan.

 

Time To Fly

I escaped to be with Nature today…

It’s a Sunday afternoon and my husband took my son to see something called The Lost Sea, so I decided to grab a towel, a notebook and a sandwich and head to the water’s edge.

Came here to think….to write…and to just BE.

The road is close by and there are a lot of motorcycles out enjoying the afternoon as well.  The river is only a few feet away on the other side of me.  The water is cold like ice and takes your breathe away.  The current is really strong too, so only go in to cool off and get right back out again…lol.    Their is quite a bit of cloud cover which I am grateful for, as the sun is blistering when it peeks out.  It’s a lovely day to sit beside the water and think.

Something is rumbling around inside my head and my heart.  Something that I have to explore and identify.  It’s bothersome, like a splinter in your finger.  It’s irritating, like a small gnat buzzing around your face.

It’s about my life, about my mindset & beliefs.  It’s about my reading and research, writing and thinking.

I’ve done so much…I feel I’ve really changed on the inside, inside my head especially.  I’ve busted SO many limiting beliefs and moved forward by leaps and bounds emotionally and mentally.  But now, I need to see all those things begin to manifesting themselves in my outer life. I want to see my life evolve and change into more of what I want and much less of what I don’t want.

I need to see my outer reality reflect my inner reality.

I want to feel more in control.  I want to take more action and put into play and into practice all these amazing things I have learned in the past 10 months.

It may sound random or trite…but I want my own jet ski! Like the people I see out there on river enjoying the water and the sun and the air and the freedom right this moment.  I am ready to stop waiting around on other people to make things happen for me, that’s a bad plan.  I’m tired of feeling powerless and hopeless to get what I desire.

I’m tired of the excuses and the fear inside me, holding me back, distracting me and stealing my motivation.

I am to the place in my life where I need to feel more in control of what I am getting out of my life.  And there is only one person that can change that…me.

Jordan Adler’s  words about hang-gliding and preparing for that first flight come to mind.  At some point…you’ve learned everything you can about “how” to do it and there comes a moment when you’ve got to take a running start, straight towards the jump-off point and you’ve just gotta do it… for yourself.

You have to take a running leap and jump!

Trusting that all you have learned, all your preparation and all your equipment you’ve gathered will be there supporting you and help you take flight.

That’s where I must be…at that point…and it’s SCARY.

But it’s what before me.

The place where I wanna go…

I can no longer use my feet to carry me there…

I must use my wings.

There is only ONE way to get where I’m going…

I have to fly.

A Lucky Star Is Following Me

   Have you ever heard someone complaining or saying that they always have bad luck?

Sometimes on some days it seems that we may be unlucky for one reason or another, but the last thing we should do is dwell on that or speak it out as though it is a fact about our lives.

I came up with a script for positive affirmations around luck, good timing, and things coming together for myself and I thought I would share it.  Some of the phrases totally feel true and others I am still working on.  But all of them are uplifting and move me towards a more positve “I’m feeling lucky” type attitude.

The strangest thing about writing these out was that I realized that I don’t hear anybody saying things like this out loud and I have never really stopped to even consider thinking thoughts like this.

But when you realize that action follows thought and positive energy attracts more positive energy, it seems like a powerful thing to contemplate and I have been reading through these aloud several times a week.  I really like the feeling I get after reading these positive affirmations out loud to myself and it improves my mood & my thinking by just saying and visualizing these words.

Some people don’t believe in luck and I get that to, but if you put out “positive” you will receive “positive”!

So, here you go….

My Lucky Break: Positive Affirmations for Manifesting Luck & Good Timing For Yourself

- I have a lucky star following me. :)

- Everyday something lucky comes my way.

- I am powerful & positive person & good timing is part of my life!

- I truly get all the luck

- Every week my good timing brings a great opportunity across my path!

- I am a magnet for good things.

- I am attracting success.

- I am starting to meet all the right people at just the right time.

- I have lucky moments all week long.

- My positive attitude draws luck and good timing to me.

- I am just a really lucky person!

- Luck & good timing always finds me where ever I am.

- Luck brings all kinds of good things my way.

-I am lucky and good things always happen to me.

These are just a few to get you started.  I have several lists of positive affirmations that I keep beside my bed and I try to begin and end my day by reading one or more of them.  If you have been a “glass is half empty” person for most of your life, it may take some time and some work to flip your energy around, but it’s possible!

It may even “feel” really awkward or different when you start saying these statments if you have never considered yourself lucky or having good timing.  But if you push through that initial resistance, you really will feel a change in your mental outlook after a few weeks.

So give it a try for a few days and see what kind of positive, lucky things start coming across your path….

“While this doesn’t rule out the possibility of having a crappy day every now and then, it certainly increases the likelihood that you’ll have far more good ones.”  Anne Grady  www.acclivityperformance.com

Cheers to Good Luck & Perfect Timing!

Kristi Jayne

Syncronizing Your Dreams with Positive Belief

It’s been 10 months now since I’ve embarked on this journey.  I started out in search of a way to “harness the beast” of the Internet in order to become financially and location independent and have ended up finding so much more!

I have found it IS possible to work from your labtop and even do it anywhere in the world.  I haven’t actually done the “anywhere in the world” part, but click here to see a couple who did. It’s Possible!

Don’t Be Rich, Live Rich!

Looking for a new way of making a living has led me to a new way of living…and to new ways of thinking.

Combing the power and genius of the Internet with the new schools of thought in the area of Positive Psychology(click on me)…what I am ultimately learning to do…is to affect my everyday life by using my mind to change thoughts, beliefs and to effect positive change now…starting in my head…and ending in my heart.

Once you glimpse the magic of reprogramming your brain (through the mind, thoughts and emotions), aligning yourself to be congruent inside yourself (soul, desires & thoughts) & seeing it effect your outer experience in ways like drawing new, right people into your life or everything beginning to fall into place in a certain area of your life, you begin to realize that you REALLY…amazingly, can change your life by changing what you think about and focus on.

It’s not all peaches & cream…in honesty its some of the most challenging, difficult work I have ever done in the area of personal development.  It’s stretching me, provoking me, pushing me to change and restructure my ways of thinking, my old, limiting beliefs, my ideas, my motives, my moment by moment thoughts.  But don’t let that detour you away from exploring.

For it’s liken to an adventurous journey….where you are not sure what the destination is but the process of getting there holds all kinds of opportunities for growth, excitement and challenges.  Not all bad, but not all good either…this is defiantly a no pain, no gain type of thing…but the rewards are well worth the uncomfortable places and the awkward moments you may encounter.

Well, let me rephrase that last sentence.  I am finding, daily, that the rewards are worth what effort I’ve put in, but it’s been a work in progress and I daily have to bring myself back around to remember to put in that effort.  Kinda like lifting weights….little by little, you become stronger, leaner and more capable.

Through this journey of personal growth & learning to create a digital income, I believe I have finally found a vehicle for financial independence that I have been looking for on the internet for the past 10 months. 

Between busting my limiting beliefs around money, being open to believe there was a way to create a legitimate stream of income on the internet, and working through quite a few inconvenient truths that I discovered about myself along the way, I have allowed/drawn into my life an opportunity, a company, a vehicle…that can help transport me to a place of greater and greater financial independence & which pushes me towards peak personal development.

It fits all my criteria…its’ personal, it’s fun, it’s creative, it’s entrepreneurial, it’s photography, it’s using words to inspire, motivate & encouarge, it’s touching people’s lives in simple, yet profound ways using the World Wide Web, it’s digital income and it’s location independent!

It’s also built upon the shoulders of some of the most passionate, quality, supportive people I have ever run across and it’s exploding right now as we speak. (Kinda like Netflix exploded when they hit the internet with a convenient, inexpensive way to rent movies.)  I can’t wait to see where that part of the journey leads, (Curious? Email me to find out more at joonbugg21@yahoo.com, put the word “Curious” in the subject line)

At any rate…

The following are some of the things I am learning and practicing in order to see more Positive Change Now.

I am learning to synchronize my dreams with positive belief.

I am also making sure that I am congruent inside myself… with what I say I want and desire and what is actually buried in my sub & super consciousness.

I am learning to focus ONLY on what I want to allow/draw into my life and not focus or lend my mind to anything that I DONT want in my life.  This is daily exercise for me…

I am also learning about energy, positive and negative; outward, pushing away energy; open, allowing, inward energy.  I am learning how to create & harness that positive energy from myself, others and the universe to fuel creating the life I see myself living in my imagination.

I have enough history now behind me that I can look back and begin to see the fruits of my efforts manifesting in my present moment.That’s cool!

I haven’t arrived by any means….but I can see ways I am changing in my thoughts, beliefs and actions.  And I can see that being expressed, slowly, but surely, in my life around me.

Recommended Positive Change Now reading for the week:

Beach Money By Jordan Adler

Silva Life Method By Laura Silva

Thresholds of the Mind By Bill Harris

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